


Drowning In My Sorrows

by xxambreignsxx



Category: Professional Wrestling, WWE, World Wrestling Entertainment
Genre: Angst, Based on Dean's dramatic turn, Broken Dean, Demons, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Mental Health Issues, Minor Violence, Nightmares, PTSD, Protective Seth
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-18
Updated: 2018-11-18
Packaged: 2019-08-25 16:56:08
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,563
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16664632
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/xxambreignsxx/pseuds/xxambreignsxx
Summary: Inspired by WWE Chronicle - Dean Ambrose.Dean is a drowning man, barely thrashing above the water, trying to stay alive. Seth cannot watch his heart break into million pieces like that. He wants to be there for Dean, in any capacity that Dean would allow.





	Drowning In My Sorrows

**Author's Note:**

> Watching WWE Chronicle with Dean Ambrose was like watching a man slowly breaking down, crumbling under the weight of trauma after trauma. He genuinely looked like he is going through a lot, psychologically and mentally. So I had to add to my biggest headcanon of Dean suffering from PTSD cuz of his deathly injury scare.

Dean felt his breath knocked out of his chest, his face pressed against the wall as he struggled in Seth’s hold.

“Let go.” He grumbled, his elbow trying to hit Seth in his ribs. But Seth was ready. He grabbed Dean’s elbow and and twisted his arm around his back, his hold dithering when Dean let out a loud groan of pain, Seth quickly realizing it was Dean's surgically repaired arm. 

Dean felt Seth let out frustrated grunt, before he pushed away a little and forcefully turned Dean around. This time his hands holding Dean against the wall, face just inches away from Dean’s as he looked into icy blue eyes of his ex-lover. 

“Still pretending you care.” Dean wasn’t in any position to really mock Seth, or piss him any further off considering he was physically restrained in the black haired man’s embrace. But he was never known to keep his mouth shut.

He watched as Seth closed his eyes and clenched his jaw, his breathing harsh as he tried to control his rapidly rising temper. He grabbed Dean’s jaw in his hand, pushing his head against the wall as he glared into Dean’s eyes. “Shut up. I am not here for your jabs. I am here for answers.”

Dean glared right back at Seth, his jaw hurting from how tight Seth’s grip was. But pain wasn’t something that ever intimidated Dean. “Good luck with that then.” Dean’s tone was full of bitterness, his eyes defiant and furious.

Seth shook his head, the hold on Dean’s jaw loosening as his hand dropped down against Dean’s throat. He pressed his head against Dean’s shoulder, and his body shook slightly. The scowl on Dean’s face turned into a frown as he felt wetness against his skin. Was Seth…crying?

“Please…Dean…I am fucking sick and tired of this. I am sick and tired of you always fighting me, always running away from me. I just want to love you. Why can’t you fucking let me love you?” Seth’s tone was so desperate, his wet eyes coming up to look into Dean’s pleadingly.

Dean felt his breath hitching, his walls wanting to crumble so bad. The temptation to bury himself in Seth’s strong embrace - where everything was so familiar and safe, where Dean once had a sense of belonging - it was so strong. He could always let Seth wrap him up in his love and fix things. But this was not fixable. This was not something Dean could sleep on and forget just with some kisses and cuddles. Dean’s mind and body was constantly putting up this fight against his heart, he had to push everything away until he lost it too. He had to learn to live without what his heart wanted, because only then he would have no weakness. He knew as long as Seth was there, Dean was risking himself to get hurt again. This time he wouldn’t have anyone to fall back on. 

“What do you want?” Dean’s voice was tight, he was trying hard to not show any emotions on his face. Seth could read him, but he couldn’t read him well. That was a big reason why they had drifted apart so much in the last few months.

Seth looked down at the floor, a sad smile on his face as he sighed. “You. Its always you that I want. But that’s not important. It doesn’t matter, what matters is what is that you want.”

Dean looked into Seth’s piercing gaze, those chocolate orbs begging him to say something. Let Seth in even if only a little. Dean licked at his lip, dropping his gaze low as he shrugged. The dark hollow feeling in the pit of his stomach making him want to crawl into a hole. He didn’t know why this feeling was always so intense whenever Seth was this close to him. “I don’t know. I don’t know what I want anymore.” The defeated tone of Dean’s voice had Seth’s expressions softening up immediately. There were tears falling down from Seth’s eyes as he brushed his fingers against Dean’s cheek.

“Come with me. Just…Let me hold you. Even if tomorrow you wake up and want to fight me, I’ll fight you. But let me be there for you. I can’t protect you if you keep pushing me away. I am not going anywhere, Dean. I know you don’t believe that…But whatever this is…Whatever you are going through, you are not alone. You do not have to hide. You do not have to put up this facade. You can let me in Baby. I’m not leaving you alone.” Seth’s voice made Dean’s knees weak, a soft sob threatened to rip out of his throat, he bit his lip to keep it from slipping out.

“You don’t know how crazy it is inside my head. Do you think..Do you think its easy hating someone you want the most? Do you think I like doing this to myself? Us? I am…I dunno what’s wrong with me Seth and I don’t know if you can fix me this time.” 

Seth wrapped his hand around Dean’s neck, his lips pressing against Dean’s ear as he closed his eyes. “I am not letting you slip away from me, Dean. Whatever it is, we are in this together. I love you. I fucking love you so much. If I can’t fix it, I’ll be here to hold you through it.”

Dean felt his body shaking, the tears he tried so hard to keep at bay finally slipping out of his eyes. He let out a broken sob, burying his face against Seth’s chest as his arms went around Seth’s neck to hold him closer against his body. Seth cooed at him, placing a soft kiss against his head as he wrapped one arm around Dean’s waist and cradled his head with his other hand. “I’m right here. I got you.”

They kept crying in each others arms for quite a while, until Seth had to pull away because he didn’t want to spent the night in the hallway when his room was right there. He brushed the tears off of Dean’s face, placing a soft kiss against Dean’s temple as he looked at his former partner’s face. “Lets go to bed. God knows we both need some sleep. You are safe with me Dean. As long as I am here, nothing’s gonna hurt you. Not even yourself.”

The promise had Dean looking into Seth’s eyes intensely. There was nothing but sincerity and love in the way Seth looked at him. Dean wanted to believe his word, put his trust in Seth again. But the voices in his head, the demons that haunted him lately…They couldn’t let Dean slip into the comfort that Seth wanted to give. Before Dean could run away again though, Seth was wrapping him up in his arms completely, his touch almost grounding Dean. “Please Babe, stay with me. You are not alone.”

Dean sobbed in Seth’s arms, nodding his head with little hesitancy. Seth smiled at him and guided him towards his room. His hand on the small of Dean’s back, taking Dean back into the good old days when things weren’t so dark and scary. Where Seth could make him feel so happy with just one touch of his.

* * *

 

Seth had woken up to Dean thrashing in his arms. He was whimpering in his sleep, his grip on Seth’s shirt was so tight his knuckles were almost white. Seth placed his hand on Dean’s head, shifting Dean onto his back as he gently slapped at his face. “Shss Dean…Babe, wake up. You are safe…Its just a dream..Come on.”

Wild wet eyes snapped open after a few moments, Seth sighing in relief as Dean started to calm down. He placed his lips against Dean’s forehead, murmuring comforting words as he rubbed his hands over Dean’s shoulders. “You are okay, alright? I am here. I am right here, Babe.”

Seth’s gentle words brought Dean back to reality, where he wasn’t lying in a hospital bed bleeding to death. Where he wasn’t fighting for his life. Where darkness wasn’t consuming him whole. He started sobbing softly, Seth sitting up and pulling him against him. Dean cuddled into Seth’s chest and let him hold him. 

“Wanna talk bout it?”

Dean shook his head against Seth’s chest, he looked up into Seth’s eyes, his eyes wet with tears. “Just hold me.” He whispered softly, Seth’s eyes softening up as he kissed Dean’s head and held him tight against his body. “Always, Baby."

Dean closed his eyes and let Seth's embrace momentarily distract him from the sea of trouble that was his mind lately. He knew things wouldn't get back to normal, not the way Seth and him knew before Dean's injury. It didn't stop him from thinking back to the days when Seth would kiss him and make love to him to erase away all his fears and worries. For a moment, he let himself get lost in the past. Seth's arms surrounding him, his scent grounding him, his love shielding Dean from any demons that threatened to pull Dean under the darkness.

Only if he could have those days back. Only if he could hold onto the past and hope for a future. 


End file.
